©Ernest Hogan 2014
TRUST NO ONE! Cars parked in strategic locations around Global Delights exploded. SHOOT TO KILL! Blood from a severed artery splashed me in the eyes -- I wondered if I would need an AIDS test. NO PRISONERS! The chip informed me that it wouldn't be necessary. YOU KNEW THE JOB WAS DANGEROUS WHEN YOU TOOK IT! Something hot brushed my ear, which became warm and wet. I ENVY YOU! Giant cockroaches sodomized, devoured flesh, and shorted-out virtual reality remotes. I REALLY DO! Reptiles bit off fiber-optic cables and chewed on satellite and microwave dishes. YOU ARE THE FUTURE! A coyote walked in carrying a laptop in its teeth, put it down, popped the top, and started typing with its nose. AND SUCH A BRIGHT FUTURE!
I couldn't keep up with it. "Where am I?" I screamed.
"Where would you like to be?" asked the chip.
"My body would be nice."
My consciousness then sped through the Undernet. Occasionally, a saguaro would wave. Digital chaos danced around the world.
DON'T WORRY, FLASH, said Califia. JUST KEEP DOING IT.
Uh . . . doing what?
My eyes opened. I was being pulled into the gaping cargo port of a huge clunky-looking helicopter that the chip couldn't identify for me. Vampiko and Lalaita held me up. Doc and Obie were shooting random bursts from customized assault rifles with infared sights and laser aimpoints.
And of course Califia was there, in a gravity-defying Carmen Miranda-style headdress that bristled electronic devices instead of tropical fruit -- rays shot out of her goggles, making nervous systems and electronic circuitry overload. She was the ultimate sci-fi televoodooistic goddess of doom -- complete with a skirt of lion tails and coconut shell breastplates. Her hips gyrated to some unknown polyrhythm.
Undernet blip: “The revolution will not be televised. It will not be online. It will be live. In the street. When the street finds its own use for technology . . ."
". . . but, what happens when nature finds its own use for technology?" said the saguaro from inside my head.
The helicopter's door thudded shut. Califia, Vampiko, Doc, and Obie breathed sighs of relief.
Lalaita adjusted her/his implants and said, "Ay! Civilization is an unnatural act -- look it up in the dictionary sometime!"
The helicopter then took off.
Who's flying this thing? I wondered.
"Why, you are," said the chip.
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