© Ernest Hogan 2014
The oversized lizards close in on the Speaker of the House's microwave-safe bowl of pit-bull pituitary glands. His pale, pudgy hands suddenly grow into huge, razor-sharp claws, to go along with five-inch, outward-curving canine teeth that he uses to defend his precious brain-food.
There's a lot of static in these signals.
FLASH! It was Califia again, her signal was full of static, too -- was she still in Nigeria? DON'T WORRY. RELAX. SOMETIMES THAT STATIC IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS THE SIGNAL. SOMETIMES THE STATIC IS THE SIGNAL.
Just what I need, an in-your-face, online, blackwoman zen master.
I LOVE YOU TOO, FLASH, YOU CYBERGREASER, YOU! O-DA-LAY, O-DA-LAY!
The saguaros faded in and giggled in chorus.
More from Washington: Freshman congressmen get together to write a bill that would make masturbation a federal offense. They all claim never to have masturbated, except for once, who admits to trying it in college, but claims he stopped before reaching orgasm.
Back in Global Delights, in my body: My knees buckle. Vampiko and Lalaita hold me up. A question from the audience: "Does the Krell chip help in avoiding unfair, restrictive laws?"
I laugh. The saguaros laugh. The Undernet laughs. With static. Lots and lots of static. YES, FLASH, says Califia. IT IS FUNNY. VERY FUNNY. AND IT WILL GET FUNNIER. SOON.
Free! Self-replicating televoodoo software. Compatible with most operating systems. Extremely destructive. Get yours today! Fun! Fun! Fun!
"Do you feel that having more access to information has increased your control over your own life?"
I start to laugh, but something cuts me off, and I say, "Not yet -- but, it will soon."
Soon? But when?
DAMNEAR NOW, FLASH, said Califia. YOU HAVE THE POWER. YOU'VE HAD IT ALL ALONG.
What, all I gotta do is click my heels together three times and say, "There's no place like home?"
ALMOST. REMEMBER TECHNOLOGY IS JUST A TOOL. USE IT. TAKE CONTROL.
Our new, smaller rectal nuclear devices can get past state-of-the-art weapons detection systems, making nuclear terrorism possible for even low-budget, independent translegal organizations.
But how? Uh . . . Oh wow!
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